Meet Shane Game: The story behind the Shropshire Bereavement Group

We recently chatted with Shane Game who runs the Shropshire Bereavement Group, which is held at Lawley Community Hub the first Tuesday of every month, to find out what led to her forming the bereavement group.

Shane, it’s very obvious to everyone that Shropshire Bereavement Group is a real passion for you, what led you establish the group?

It’s quite a story, so you might want to get a cuppa and a biscuit! At 17 years old I had my first child Ben, I had no family support, my dad was in Manchester, and my mom had moved to Germany, so I was on my own. When Ben was born, I thought everything was okay but one day he wasn’t well and after visiting the doctor, we were taken straight to hospital. Before long we were transported to Birmingham children’s hospital and Ben was having his first heart surgery when he was just eight weeks old.

The following years were regular visits to the hospital and Ben was put on a heart donor list, aged 23 he had a heart and lungs transplant. At the time I thought of the family whose grief must have been immense and I was so grateful. We had another five years with Ben but then he passed away in 2012 on Mother’s Day, something I’ve never been able to celebrate since. I have to be honest I went to pieces and used alcohol as a numbing tool, I was drinking around 11 bottles of wine a day I didn’t care about me or sadly my other sons. Then about 18 months later I suddenly thought that Ben didn’t have a choice of dying but I was killing myself. I sought help and started to look at life in a new way. I had three sons and they needed me. The following years were hard, I lost my nan, mom, dad and best friend in five years. I decided on a new start and moved to Shrewsbury. It was in 2022 and there was a knock on the door, it was the early hours of the morning and immediately I had that sense of dread. It was the police and there had been an accident, it was my son Toby, he had been out with his other brother, walked him to the station and was then walking home. They think he dropped his glasses, reached for his phone to put his torch on and lost his footing and fell into the river. The police pulled him out of the river but as the water was so cold it caused a heart attack. I arrived at the hospital and they told me he was brain dead. I couldn’t even comprehend that I lost a second child. Everyone in my life was worried I would turn to drink again but this time, I just knew I had to carry on.

You have been so much, how did you think about helping others?

I felt there was no support for those in grief, you can request counselling but the waiting list is very long and you only have a few sessions. I had researched where I could go and there was nothing. I thought if I felt like that, no doubt many other people did too. So firstly I started a Facebook page, before long a local radio station asked to interview me and newspapers, so word started spreading. Before long I started a peer group and I would receive calls at all times as often people just want to talk to someone who will understand. Before long I received a phone call from a housing association who had heard about the group and asked if I needed support. They gave me some funding, which allowed me to start the first in person group in Shrewsbury, I also launched a website and printed some leaflets. Since then it’s unbelievable how it’s grown.

You’ll shortly be marking the first anniversary of the Telford group, how is that going?

I was receiving lots of calls from people in Telford, so I thought I need to start a group there. I was looking for a suitable place and came across the Lawley Community Hub which is run by Bournville Village Trust. They have been amazing and we meet there once a month and it’s going from strength to strength. Not only have they provided the space but the team there have also offered me practical support and advice in areas that aren’t my strongest such as marketing, advertising and PR. This has proved to be such a success that now we have groups in Oswestry and Whitchurch. We’ve also recently launched a men’s only group as well as a children’s group.

What happens at the groups?
They are very informal and friendly, a place to come and talk if you want to or simply sit back and listen. I’ll have a chat with everyone first and sometimes they’ll ask to speak one to one or other times straight into the group. I know how hard it is to make that first step, so I try and make it as easy as possible. I think everyone appreciates knowing that everyone has their own story and it doesn’t matter who you’ve lost, grief is grief.

Who runs the groups?
I do! This started off as a way to help me help others, but it’s become so much more than that. I run every group, although I’m now getting volunteers to support as well. We have a WhatsApp group, so people can support each other and it’s so lovely to see the friendships that are coming out of the groups.

What does the future look like?

I honestly don’t know, if you’d told me a year ago, it would have grown so much I wouldn’t have believed you. We’re now registered as a CIC company and I’m trying to get more funding so we can continue and expand. My dream is to make sure that people always have someone to turn to on the days they need it most.

How has it helped you?
I think most people who start something, do it because they know there is a need there. I knew after my second son Toby died that I needed a purpose and thought about what I could do. In my darkest days I didn’t know where to turn and I thought if I can be where somebody can turn too, then all I’ve been through hasn’t been in vain.

Can anyone attend the groups?
Absolutely, it doesn’t matter if you lost a loved one a month ago or ten years ago, grief has no time limit. Please contact me or simply pop along to one of the groups. Details of the groups are on our website https://shropshirebereavement.group or you can call 07932 516880 or email [email protected]